i dunno..im really scared of losing it...the status...im veri scared...i hope it will turn out fine...

just when u think, the right one has appeared and you are trying to get to know her...
the next moment u know she's gonna be away for half a year...

how?? do i even start to get to know her..or shld i juz let go and wait for the nxt one hoping there's even a next one...

i guess that's life for me...

im a lost sheep out there..waiting to be herded

lost in internship opportunities
lost in studies
lost in something i can fight

i need breathe hope and responsibilities back into my life....
i need something to fight for..something i can commit...

pray that i can sail out of this quarter-life crisis soon...

sometimes i wonder when im there for ppl..who will be there for me...

feeling emo-ish maybe coz of the match...

but i do hope the right one for me do show up soon..i am getting impatient and lonely...

):

yes, i realised i have been back in sg for nearly 3 weeks. re-adaptation is nearly complete. my body clock is slowly tuned back to normal. and i feel i have slowly integrated back into the environment i once and will still call home.

exchange has been short of a wonderful experience. Undoubtedly, i really have a difference experience as compared to the past 22 years. Well, it could have been better but it's not sth worth regretting and mourning over. I have done wat i wanted and i have known and discovered myself better.

well, things happen the past wk. i must say i have realised i am more than over her. 1 step backwards 10 step forwards in the future! so glad that things have been decided for me yet again. and i realised i am not tt hurt over her decision which eventually flopped and even then i have no desire to really like be her life buoy. i am just trying to do the minimum. So happy, i am not tt hurt this time! YES!

well looking ahead, the new sem is starting. I have been given sth that i have slowly decided not to undertake. but since im given it, i promise i will do my best for it! and yeap, new sem, new ppl,new hopes, shall not disappoint once again. the nxt gal i like, i will approach it the correct way.. and till then bless me.

THANKS!

i guess i might have really fallen for her..

but it has come an almighty big circle to what it was 7mths ago? oh well, wishful thinking on my part... i will forever be a backup.

things are just gonna change soon...

i cant believe i tear when we actually tot abt sending postcards and stuff...

but im really sad..coz i tink i prob wun receive any bday cards from any1 if i was overseas...no1 will tink of going that extra mile to send a bday cards to me...so much less letters or postcards (tearing once again when typing tis)... I NEEDA BE STRONGER...

perhaps..i have been nice to the wrong ppl..i mean sometimes it's really nice to have a reciprocal frenship...)):

sometimes if i have diverted all my efforts on her to someone else..will i have been attached?

it's another one of the days when i just wish to be involved in a sweet rel...

it's juz wasnt meant to be but at least now i noe..there are some ppl who dun require u to put in extra miles..yeap..coz at the end of the day....i will still be left alone... 

tink it's the right time to let go alr...perfect timing..

my last sms to her:

hey haha i tink u like blue now! coz ur mood suits the colour blue now! YEAP eh go for abit of retail therapy bah!!! hope it helps! stay cheerful k!!! i dunno if there's anything to do to help u now! probably just leave u alone, dun stress/burden u and dun disturb u too much for these moments bah! yeap but i hope aft a period of time, u will feel better...and hopefully till then can still tease and joke ard...yeap till then take care k!! :) :) : ) :)

wat a great movie tt keep me alive in the cold for 3 hours last thurs..it was really engaging that i manage to stay awake watching the whole movie.

the story line was great and i simply love it!

it made me realise 2 things

1) Have i been seeing just the positive side of ppl i hold close to? I have been starting to see their negative sides too and that hurts... are they really ppl that i can hold them close to me?

2) Have i pushed away those ppl that really appreciate me for who i am? have i just seen their negative sides and neglected their positive sides? i guess i am now suffering as i could have potentially lost the ones that will really treasure me instead of ppl who take me for granted...

more soon...

slipping away........